For people (like myself) with failed back syndrome (I think that what the DR's call it), there are good days and there are bad days. I've been having a number of bad weeks lately. The new and intense pain is not cool, and taking medications makes me a zombie. But without pain relief, I can hardly do the every day required chores like cooking, cleaning, and taking care of my kids. What compounds it is that my worker's comp won't approve procedures that very likely could provide at least short term relief (3-12 months depending how it takes), or a surgical procedure that might provide long term relief (years!).
I am now going to see the "independent" and supposedly objective physician for the third time in two years to see what, if anything, he recommends as courses of action. After the last exam by him, he recommended nothing except the occasion Dr. visit at the pain clinic. He would not recommend physical therapy, any further imaging, or any nerve block procedures. He also recommended I get off all pain relieving medications. I tried that a year back and the pain was so bad, coupled with getting very little sleep due to the pain, that I became very depressed and despondent and was very seriously contemplating hurting myself in a not good way I could not live with the pain as the Dr. recommended (If only he could feel what I do, I wonder how different his recommendations would be?) .
He said I was at maximum medical improvement and provided me with no hope that I would ever be without pain. So basically, there was only pain in my future, and I had to tough it out. I got to the point where I was thinking some very unhealthy thoughts. Fortunately Spencer (from other stories and adventures) gave me a shoulder to cry on and spent time actually listening to me. He helped me get on the track to seeking counseling, and I was able to see a future for me and my family. Not a picture of perfection, but one that I could live with.
So, as I wrote previously, the latest MRI showed scar tissue growing on my nerves which demonstrates the pain (no it was not just in my head or and I was not making it up because I want to be a parasite on society, get disability, charity and eat pain pills all day while laying on the couch watching tv). The pain I have is real, it steals my strength, robs me of sleep, decreases my motivation, scars my soul and makes me become withdrawn and unsociable. But now the meds are making my memory suck, makes me into a zombie often, sometime slashing my motivation to get out and do things, or even just work on projects at home.
So that's why I have been slacking off on the blog and my site. I hope to feel up to doing some more writing in the near future and will try to up the readership to 5 to 6 regular readers.
As always, thanks for showing your support by reading my works. I hope something I write is of value to someone out there.
De Oppresso Liber
PS: Sorry, I had to edit this cause when I read (what I wrote last night) this morning, I sounded like a nut job. There are times each day I am happy, and my family brings me great joy and satisfaction, so my life does not suck completely, like it sounded in the first draft (man, I should probably have someone else read this stuff before I post it!).